of those very famous butterflies
a fair warning: this post is going to be way more on the “dear diary” side than my usual social commentaries in today’s world that are filled with insight and well-thought out perspectives and analysis. well, that’s not true at all. what is true, though, is that this post will be way more gushy and girly than anything i’ve posted ever before, so i thought a warning/disclaimer should be in order.
almost a whole year ago, in december of 2008, a friend of mine invited me and another friend to a party. it was early in the month, the school semester had just ended, and a celebration of our temporary scholastic liberation was in order. the party was a combination of occasions: there was a december graduate as well as two birthdays (we got invited for the graduate). the party started off great: no one we knew was there, it was a totally different and nice crowd, and there was just a very good vibe in general. just being with two of my best friends was great. that drinks were a-flowing and people were kind were just added bonuses. the three of us were laughing and smiling and dancing.
another surprise came that night. i’ve always said that i have the most beautiful friends, and these two girls i was with are no exception to the rule. the girl who got us the invitation was flirting and getting friendlier with the guy whose invitation we were riding on as the night progressed, and the other friend i was with had, if i recall correctly, at least three guys all vying for her attention. they both got asked to dance, and while they were out on the dance floor, doing their thing, i headed over to the open bar to get a refresher. as i leaned against the bar to wait for my new drink, i people watched. one group of friends in particular caught my attention. they were all arranged in a circle and dancing. one guy in the dancing ring caught my attention as he looked a bit silly, trying his hardest to keep rhythm with the pumping bass of the music that was pulsing through the room. i couldn’t help but stare! he looked so silly. i watched him for a while as he did this weird knee-bending, shoulder-rolling dance move, but i had to turn away from him to get my drink. when i looked back to the group of friends, i noticed that he was missing and was ready to go find my girls. however, i was distracted from doing this when i noticed that the lame dancer was actually standing in my way.
worried that he might question my totally obvious staring, i avoided his gaze, hoping he would just go away. he didn’t however, and i finally had no choice but to look at him and awkwardly smile. the following is my best recollection of our conversation:
him-> hey do you want to dance? with me?
me -> uhm, no thank you, i don’t really dance.
him-> well, you saw me dancing, right?
me -> er…
him-> come on.. you can say yes.
me -> well, yes, i suppose i was watching you a bit.
him-> it looked kinda like you were making fun of me…
me -> oh, no way. i would never.
him-> it’s okay, i know i’m not that great of a dancer.
me -> i, uh, i really wasn’t.
him-> well, i still think that in order to be able to tease people about their dancing, you have to show off your own dancing skills in order to prove that you are better.
me -> oh, no, that’s not–
him-> no, come on, show me what you’ve got.
at this point, this very bold stranger takes my arm and leads me to where everyone else is dancing. when i’d told him earlier that i didn’t dance, it was the truth. i am quite okay with the fact that i’m a rubbish dancer. truly. i’m awful at it. i blame it on having no grace. or poise. or rhythm. but there i was. standing way too close to a stranger who reminded me a little of the author’s portrait on the inside of the dust jacket of neil gaiman’s The Graveyard Book. when he noticed that i was a uneasy with the prospect of dancing, he smiled and did his best to teach me the secret of his bending knee, shoulder rolling prowess. he made me laugh, and each time i made eye contact with my busy friends, they gave me looks of encouragement. we danced and laughed and joked the rest of the night and when time came to wrap things up, i actually felt bummed. time had passed quickly but, sure enough, when i checked the time, i realized that we were closer to morning time than we’d realized. we sat down to talk for a bit, and i told him i had to leave and just as my friends were rushing me to get a move on, i leaned towards him and i gave him a kiss. it was a short, sweet thing, but it was nice. just like him.
a few weeks passed after this and i didn’t know anything about him except for his name. i turned twenty-one, celebrated a new year, started a whole new semester of classes, saw another guy, and went on spring break. during spring break, i went out with a school friend of mine for a cup of coffee on her birthday. i walked into the café and i spotted someone who looked like my lame dancer of three months prior. one of the friends who i’d gone to the party with was with us and i asked her if she thought that was him. she said no, he looked too old. naturally, i disagreed. he looked just like the guy. granted, i’d spent hours with this guy in a dark room, so how good of a look did i really get? i tried to convince her that it was him, but i noticed that he was getting ready to leave just as we were arriving. he walked up and looked in our direction, and we made eye contact. he looked away to put something away in a bag he had with him, and i walked past him to find somewhere to sit. as i looked back to catch another glimpse of him, he also turned and we shared another look. and that was that. he walked out and away.
shortly after this mid-march week, i flew laterally across the country to the great state of minnesota for a literature and rhetoric conference in minneapolis. i was gone for about a week. the very day i fly back, i met a friend at this same coffee shop that i’d gone to before, and i saw the guy again! this time, feeling so confident after successfully presenting a paper of my own creation to a panel of my peers and professors, i decided i would say hi. i walked right up to him and said, “hello, do you remember me? i met you months ago.” we had a good chat, and, while i began to say my goodbyes, he asked me for my phone number. i felt amazed. how could a funny, cute, older guy like him want my number? i gave it to him and weeks, weeks passed and he never called. i was kind of upset. however, as i have mentioned before, i always have several crushes, so i wasn’t too devastated.
easter came around and i met up with three of my best friends at this very same cafe. soon, i noticed that there he was again! sitting quite close to the four of us. this time it was he who engaged me in conversation. after all, he hadn’t called me and i wasn’t going to waste more time with him again. we spoke with each other as if old friends and, once again, he asked me for my number! i will make mention that both times, he simply wrote my number down, and never actually punched into his phone. whatever. i gave him my number for a second time. for a second time, i waited for weeks for a call and did i get it? no.
that was april. fast forward through the rest of spring, an insane summer, and i find myself in october. a friend’s significant other mentions to me that he’s working at the same place where i could swear that this man had mentioned to me that he worked. i ask the old boyfriend if he knows anyone by this name and the answer is yes! i am pleasantly surprised. i ask questions and learn some insignificant but charming details about him, and i satiated.
then tonight! tuesday night! i go to this very special cafe and there he is! i see him and say hello, but just walk straight on through. let it be known that i was at this coffee shop today with the same two girls i was with the night i met this guy. when we’re getting ready to leave, i decide that i’m going to say a nicer say hello to him, and i approach him. he’s polite as ever and we’re talking about halloween and his work and i compliment him and he’s graceful and i tell him i’m going to austin tomorrow and i wish i could be there for halloween and then. then. then he says that i should go to austin. and i would be more than welcome to stay in the apartment he has there. WHAT. i know.
the only better thing i could have heard him say would have been, “will you marry me?” i mean, seriously. an invitation to stay at his place? i say that i’ll think about it, and this time he changes things up. he asks, “do you want my number in case you do decide to go to austin?” i tell him that yes, i would like, but i left my phone in the car so if he could please write it down, i’d appreciate it. he says, no, he can just call me from his phone. so he asks me for mine (for a third time), and i give it to him. this time, he does save it in his phone! and he calls me! i tell him goodbye and that i hope things work out and i’m able to go to austin. i practically run to my car to get my phone, and, sure enough, there is a missed call from his 512 number.
i’m still floating, but i know i probably won’t get to go to austin for halloween. talking to him was good enough, though, and should keep me in the clouds for a good while.
Tags: chance, crush, guys, halloween, heart, sigh, strangers